Back in the Saddle Again

It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this blog...years in fact! I guess life either got too boring to share or too interesting to take the time to share. I shall continue though to write, since writing is in my blood, mind, and soul. I cannot not write. So I have been blogging for my church's women's ministry for several years. I enjoy that, but feel as though I should rekindle writing beyond my little "safe" world. I cannot promise that I will faithfully write each week, but that is my goal. I need to speak my mind, be an encourager, etc. I noticed that my last blog several years ago, stated that I was going to speak my mind by writing regularly and apparently that all got derailed. The intentions, that is, not my mind. As far as I can tell that is still on some track, although I must admit, it my be a track that I myself have yet to follow. I used an old cowboy term to title this blog...back in the saddleback again, I think because it is familiar and perhaps a bit catchy. whether I ride the literary train or horse make no difference to me...I am back for adventures and thoughts. I do not know this time around if I will "speak my mind" about controversial topics, share lessons from my faith, or have any theme at all. It's truly back in the saddle for me! Since I have written here, life has taken me on many adventures. I have moved to Surprise, AZ. I have traveled to Indonesia where my younger daughter now lives. I have embarked on a business adventure with my older daughter, while still providing quality of life programming for seniors at a nursing home/rehab center. I believe I was still homeschooling my grandson when I last wrote. That adventure ended over five years ago on a positive note when he and his siblings found a charter school they could attend. And I returned to my previous career. I reestablished my certification and also became Board Certified as an Activity Professional. So all is well. The writing is no longer on the back burner and I will answer God's call to write. I hope you look forward to reading...as I look forward to sharing. God bless!

How 'Bout Them D'backs!

How 'bout them d'backs is a phrase the people of Arizona use to flatter our professional baseball team who does have a reputation of some mighty great games. It was just such a game last night. Here they were in the bottom of the ninth, tied up at 1 to 1 against the LA Dodgers. Overtime! In the top of the tenth, our pitcher became flustered and gave up 5 runs. 6 to 1 in overtime! That is when the crowd started fleeing. They were sure it was over.

My husband and I did not attend that game, but watched it on TV. We watched a wee bit longer...until at the bottom of the tenth, we were still down 6-1 with two batters out. We also were sure it was over and went to bed. But, it wasn't over at all! With two outs, they managed to get another run, bases loaded, a run walked in, and then a grand slam from a hitter who had no previous grand slams, and had been 0 for 4 that night! 7-6 and THEN it was over! Quite an upset to say the least!

This game has been much talked about today, and rightly so. But it made me think about times in my life when I had given up. I had looked at the situation which seemed even statistically impossible, and walked out on the game! Oh, not the Diamondbacks, but the game of life. God had surprises and "moves" that I knew nothing of, yet I assumed that all was hopeless and gave up...just like many of the fans last night.

There have also been times in my life when I felt like the players must have. Down for the count...one more strike and it's all over! People walked out on me. People booed and yelled at me. People gave up on me. But not God. I thought about how the D'back coach could have decided to put in a pinch hitter for Ryan Roberts since he was 0-4 that night. But he didn't. He had faith in him. He let him swing. And all it took was one pitch and it was out of the ballpark, as they say.

God is my coach. He sees my batting average. He knows my swings and misses. He knows when I have been afraid to swing and the enemy called a strike. Still, He leaves me in His game. He believes in me. He has faith in me.

This game made me reflect on many things. Times when I strike out. Times when I give up. Times when it seems impossible. Times when others walk out on me. Times when crowds dislike me. Times when commentators predict defeat and wait for it.
But it also made me realize that God does not give up on me. He trusts me with His
Spirit and His anointing, even when my track record hasn't been so great!

Oh, it was a great game all right...I did get to watch the rest of it today, thanks to DVRs. And the crowd that remained went wild! There was dancing and shouting and hooping and hollering. And the angels rejoice when ONE sinner repents! AND God dances over us with joy!

Oh, yes! We can overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony! We are overcomers. Let's not allow our past...our defeats, failures, strike-outs, etc. to dictate our today!

How 'bout them D'backs?! How 'bout our God?! It all depends on who we listen to...the crowd or the coach!

In the Public Place

Today I went to the Diamondbacks baseball game with several Residents from my nursing home. Believe it or not, they were engaged in the surroundings and seemed to have a very happy time. And, thankfully, the Diamondbacks won! It was an exciting game of action with a score of 8-5. They had varied reactions to the plays, but for the most part got involved in the clapping and cheering of the crowd.

What caught my attention were the people who just sat there. Perhaps they were rooting for the opposing team, but still...to just sit there when such action is occuring all around, seemed strange to me. I watch them as the mascot danced in front of them. Still no reaction. I observed as the cameras rolled around and displayed their face on the big screen. Still, no reaction. They did look at each other and shrug their shoulders, but that was about it. The temperature was pleasant. The place was not overly crowded, since it was a week-day, mid-day game. There was plenty of room to manuever through the seats without causing a traffic jam or getting stepped on. And both teams were playing well. Yet, they sat still and basically unresponsive. I had to wonder why they paid money (I assume they did) for tickets to a game they found so boring.

And then I thought about my responses to God. There have been times when I sat acting bored while He was moving all around me. There have been times when I sat nearly stone-faced during a worship service, thinking about things that had nothing to do with worship. And then, there have been times when no amount of "cheer-leading" could get me to lay aside my worries and focus on God. Perhaps I appeared strange to Him at those moments. I know He knows my heart, and my thoughts, and that He loves me unconditionally. But still...

I get excited when a baseball player hits a home-run, or makes a fantasitic catch! I jump up and down and clap and yell. I respond to whatever the flashing lights on the electronic banner say to do. "Make some noise! Louder!" "Clap your hands."
And I join in when someone initiates a "wave" or starts some action that spreads throughout the stadium. But sometimes,in church...

Well, we are supposed to be reserved and reverent in church, aren't we? Of course, we are to be reverent! But to study the Bible, especially in its original languages, one must take a hard look at the character of God. He put words in there that don't mean sit still...(Oh, that's in there too...just not the only one). Take the word, "Halal"...That actually carries the connotation of hilarity...and it is a word translated "praise". It means "have a party!" Parties are not quiet. There are lots of other words translated "cheerful" and "joyful" that have that same underlying meaning.

So, why do I shy away from public expression of my love for God at times? Why do I allow distractions to side-line my worship experience? How can I sit still in the midst of the move of God and not respond to His presence. God is exciting! He is worthy to be praised! He inhabits the praises of His people! God will lead me (and you too) into the quiet places and intimately quiet times. But He also invites into the party times, the times of rejoicing. And there is power in those times!

This is a lesson He taught me: When my son was a baby, he one day experienced a very high fever. We had done everything the doctor said to do. Given him everything the doctor recommended. Still, it would not break. He was limp, listless, and I was very worried, and contemplating an expensive trip to the ER.

I called for prayer and then went to prayer myself. During the quiet time of prayer, I saw a picture in my mind. It was of a wall with a door in it. On one side of the wall was healing, blessing, etc. and I was on the other side with my sick baby and all my worries. In my mind I ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. I scrambled for keys and found one marked "Faith".

"Ah-ha!" I thought! Now I can get to the blessings! And, sure enough, when I used the key of faith, the door unlocked. But it did not open. I reached to open it and found that I was not strong enough to turn the knob, much less push open the door. And I began to cry. And then, a thought, so clearly the voice of God, said "What would you do if you checked on your son and he was completely well, right now?"

"I would jump for joy and shout praises to God!" I said that aloud.

"Then why don't you do that now? If you can praise Me as much when the answer is not evident, as you would if it were obvious, then you will have the strength to open the door because praising Me brings joy and the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Wow! What a lesson. My son began to get better shortly after that little prayer session. His fever finally broke and he slept peacefully again. God may have used the medicine to reduce the fever, I don't know. But I do know that I learned to praise God loudly and excitedly. And now, I can express my love in many ways, including animatedly and excitedly. And I can shout for a baseball team, and allow my emotions to flourish in any setting...

Now...how about "them" D'backs?

What Lies Beneath?

Storm damage is sometimes hidden. This is true in both the emotional and physical storms. I ran across an example of this a few years back when I was looking for a home to buy.

It seemed like the perfect location. It was almost exactly between two of my grown children and their families. It was a lot closer to my workplace. It was the perfect size. And the price4 was right. My daughter, who, along with her husband, was an investor, first discovered this house. She "checked it out" in the early evening when the sun's light was barely adequate. It looked good, except for the need for cosmetic updates. She excitedly called me to set up an appointment to look at it the next day. I could hardly sleep! The search had been long and covered with a lot of prayer. Maybe this was finally my answer!

I met her at the house on my lunch break. The neighborhood was older, but well-kept. The house was on a cul-de-sac with a lovely name. And it was near a community pool! I was sure this was my answered prayer!

I walked in to see her saddened face staring at the floor. the carpet had been pulled up to disclose a two-and-a-half inch gaping crack all across the dining room and living room. The house smelled musty. There was evidence, now in the4 full light of day, of flood damage. Mold. Peeling linoleum tiles. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the fireplace bricks were coming off the wall and the window joints were askew. The ceiling bore cracks as well. It appeared that the house had slid on its foundation. Much speculation occurred without the detailed facts. Had the house been built upon a faulty foundaton? Had the lot been a land-fill not properly assessed? Was there some kind of underground water source that had erupted beneath the foundation? Had a tremor from a distant earthquake caused the situation? We didn't press to find the answers since we clearly were not going to purchase this once great, and now damaged, home. We were not sure it was repairable.

I know there were times in my life when I could realte to that house. My past seemed better than my present, and even my future! There was obviously damage caused bu something not readily identifiable. And I wasn't sure I was repairable!

I have spent much time of my life analyzing myself. I have tried to discover what shook me so badly. What erupted in my life beyojnd my control, which brought about cracks in me? Storms that I did not invite, and in fact at times, had not noticed until evidence of damage emerged. I wondered if I, too, had slid so far from the Foundation that I could not be fixed.

Thanks be to God! He is my Foundation! He is my solid rock! He is unmovable and secure. He4 is my Investor and Creator. He can not onlhy repair any brokeness, He can set me straight again and cause the value to be seen. He is the Healer of the broken. He is the repairer of the betrayed. He had invested His spirit inot my life! What a valuable creation I am!

I do not know what became of that house. I do know what I am becoming. Hie is making me into His likeness. He is rebuilding and restoring a home for His presence; a home of peace, joy, and value. He longs to do the same for you. We are His property. There is never a valuation decline in His possessions! Amen!

God IS Love

I just returned from a women's conference with my church. It was called "He knows your name". It was powerful.

I have had many experiences of inner healing with God, yet I still struggle at times with feelings of rejection, insecurity,inadequacy, etc. I have, a few times, asked myself why, but was unable to reach an answer. It is because I have very little grasp or understanding of the love of God. Oh, yes, I have felt His loving arms around me. I have wept with a touch of His love. But, though those times were very real and meaningful, I allowed the old patterns of what I thought love was to cloud my picture of my Father, and make room for all those other feelings to rise.

My earthly father was a good man. He was a Christian. He even went to Bible college, although he did not become a pastor. He taught Sunday School and lived a morally good life. But, he was not perfect. He left me with several misconcepts about love. My father never rejected me openly, yet there seemed to be just a tad of aloofness about him. He played tether ball with me and taught me to swim and ride bikes and horses. He let me drive tractors and trowel cement. He wanted a boy. I was born when he was forty and already the father of two daughters. He had not especially wanted another child. So, he reasoned, surely God would grant him a son, since that was his heart's desire and he had this unexpected child later in life. It took me years before I accepted that my Heavenly Father wanted a daughter, so my earthly dad was chosen for me.

My dad was a worrier. He would stay up late at night pacing the floor, worrying about business projects and storm damage, etc. He was extremely responsible. I am sure he meant to pass that on to me. He did. Yet, he also passed on to me the idea that everything that happened to me was somehow my fault. Somehow I was responsible for everything, just like he was. Oh, he didn't cause the storms, but still, the damages or consequences were his responsibility, and somehow his fault for not thinking ahead. And the storms of my life received the same verdict. He was not a very merciful person. You had to pay for your own mistakes and lack of fore-thought. And, you could always do better next time.

And, though he meant to encourage his kids, he found it difficult. He steered us away from dreaming about careers dominated by men, or careers involving talent. God coud snatch those talents right away from us if we strayed from Him, and then, where would we be? (I wanted to be a writer and ...well, read on!) And if God had wanted us to be principals (my middle sister's dream) or therapists (my oldest sister's thought), or preachers/evangelists (my desire), He would have made us boys! He had trouble acknowledging awards we received and cautioned us not to become proud.

But, he did spend time with me. He read to me when I was little. He played with table games and tetheball with me. He hugged me once in a while.

My mom died when I was four. My sisters were 14 and 18. I got to live with my grandparents for three years. They loved me, but were steeped in a legalistic church...no dancing, no worldly music, no football games, no bowling, very little TV (that was taboo, too, but Grandpa wouldn't comply!) Of course, anyone who smoked or drank alcohol of any kind or cursed in anyway, was not a Christian, and I should not be around them.

And then came a new mom. A very wounded mom. They didn't know about "baggage" or "bondage" back then, and counseling was for those who had no God in their lives. I learned then, that father-love would not take my side, even if there was proof of my innocence. I was not to be defended, even if I was wronged. I probably deserved it one way or another. I figured he must be right.

My dad did not beat me himself. But he did not prevent it either. He did not molest me. But he did not believe me when an employee of his attempted it...along with the youth pastor, a year later (I never told my parents that one...they would NEVER believe it!) And my mom would only say I must have worn my skirt too short, or make me stop wearing shorts.

So, you can imagine my image of Father God. Loving, but aloof, willing to play with me as long as it was things He liked. He expected me to perform to the best of my ability (which he determined), and when I didn't, would just go do something better than talking to me. He wouldn't believe me over the word of men. I must follow the rules, have only godly thoughts, and be responsible for myself and everything and everyone in my path. Say my prayers, pay my tithe, say grace at the table, read my Bible and memorize Scriptures. Then I would be that good little girl He wanted.(or not).

Years ago God started to work on me. He loving offered healing and I accepted it...as far as I could. It was like I had cancer and required surgery, chemotherapy, and lots of medicine...and more surgery..etc.

But, God IS love. He is getting through to me more and more each day. I forgive my dad. He did the best he could. I forgive my mom. She was extremely wounded from her own childhood and basically hated herself.

And now, I am forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for hanging on to some of these issues far too long; for not spending more time with my Father. For not believing what HE said about me over what I had been told by others.

I realize that it was I who has held myself back. It is I who had become afraid of success as much as of failure. Oh, I did go to Bible college. I did have successful ministry. But I have allowed men's opinions, and people's critiques to draw me into the background and hide my calling and talents from all but a few select people. God has forgiven me and refreshed my call. I have forgiven me now too. I hope you all forgive yourselves, because He has already forgiven you.

A Poem--"Your Love"

YOUR LOVE

Lord, Your love is so great!
I goes beyond my biggest mistakes.
It gets me past my past.
It’s the only love that will ever last.
Your love covers a multitude of sin;
And sets me free from the child within;
It lets me be who I am meant to be.
And Lord, You’re always there for me!
I need no other love to get me through today.
No other love can know my ways
Like You do…
Lord, You know everything about me.
You hear my thoughts and understand
what I can’t see.
Through it all You love me still!
May I always seek to do Your will.
Help me remember when life gets tough,
That I am Your diamond in the rough.
Your love will smooth and give value to me.
Let me not lose sight of what I can be.
I know Your love is my all in all.
Lord, I hear now Your love call.
And Jesus, I love You!

By Charlotte Saben

Self-storage

UNCLE BOB’S SELF STORAGE

The sign read “Uncle Bob’s Self Storage.” It caught my eye because of its unique design, but the words grabbed at my conscience. Self storage. How I wish I could store myself away sometimes and not have to deal with my blemishes. If I could put myself on a shelf and lock me up for a season, perhaps my pride and self-absorption would take care of itself!

But life is not that simple. Selfishness is not that easy to cure. Dealing with our idiosyncrasies and imperfections is not pain-free! I chuckled, wondering if “Uncle Bob” realized the duel meaning of his sign, or how God could use it to get my attention.

I would like to think that I am not that selfish nor prideful nor self-absorbed. Yet, I know the day I just spent thinking of my needs but not wanting to deal with my mistakes. THAT is what I would like to put in storage! All the past mistakes I made. Lock them away and throw away the key! Lock up the memories of all the self-centered days I have had. What a perfect solution that would be.

And yet, God has done just that. No, He has done greater than that. He has canceled my sins. He has sent them as far as the east is from the west…that is how far He has removed them. (there is no geographical point separating east from west, so they are continuously going AWAY from me!) Still, the memories of my misdeeds and mistakes are locked up…in my mind! I have stored them away, attempting to keep them bound up forever. I have achieved a measure of success with my “self-storage”. But God wants me to unlock that storage unit in my head and allow His Spirit to assure me that those errors are forever gone and erased. The consequences that I have suffered can, and are being healed by my loving God. I need not hang unto them.

One consequence of my locking away my “issues” is that I have put myself on a shelf…a back shelf at that! I have allowed the memories of the past to hold me back and keep me from moving ahead in areas God wants me to move!

I still wish at times that I could lock ME up…put me away so I don’t make any more mistakes. But God does not desire me or anyone to lock thmselves away. We are to die daily to ourselves and step out in faith to do whatever He calls us to do. God is gracious. He is forgiving. He is love! “His grace is sufficient for me”. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”

These are the words I shall meditate upon; not the words in my head that were spoken from my past. I shall feast on His Word. I cannot put myself away. I cannot lock me up to assure I will sin less. That is not God’s way. I cannot store away bad memories and not forgive myself and those who hurt me in the past. That is not God’s way.

His way is love; forgiveness, openness, and honesty. He is my Healer. He is my Restorer. Rather than “store” myself away, I shall live in “restoration” by His Spirit.

Well, Uncle Bob, whoever you are…God has used your simple sign. We never know what He can and will use to set another free!

The Time Has Come

Many people talk about the end times. There are new prophecies and predictions daily it seems. If you look at life through the eyes of the media, you could become quite distraught and fearful. The economy is terrifying. Jobs are scarce. Crime is rampant. But, I tell myself, the things reported on the news are just that...news. And "news" is supposed to be an unusual happening; something out of the ordinary. So, "why so downcast, O my soul? Put your trust in HIM".

Our economy has nothing to do with what is happening in the world. Oh, yes, I am affected by it all. My retirement funds are plummeting at the moment. The house I am trying to sell has been on the market over two years and sold six times, only to fall through one more time this week! Gas and food prices are climbing. Fear does knock at my heart's door also. My physical mind wants to react. In fact, my body is struggling with a nervous condition that doctors have yet to diagnose.

Ah! But my heart, the depths of my being, is not disturbed. You see, I have a choice. I can believe the reports of the economists, doctors, and commentaries, OR I can believe the report of the Lord. I choose the latter. I have friends and family members who insist I should "look around and get real." I do look around. But in so doing, there are choices on what my eyes focus on. I can focus on the "reality" of the circumstances, which may seem bleak, or I can focus on the Word of the Lord.

The Bible is full of stories of faith. People who looked around at their circumstances and then looked to the God who rises above all circumstances. I think of the woman who had only a little grain and oil in the midst of famine. Had she focused on her "reality" alone, she would have perished. But she chose to trust in God and share her last crumb, discovering that God had no famine. He who created all became her supplier. I think of Paul and Silas who were jailed for doing what was right in God's sight. How unfair! Justice had not prevailed. Yet, they sang to the Lord until the walls literally shook and the bars opened. They did not envoke a lawyer, fight for their rights or demand justice. They sang. They worshipped. They trusted God. And they received deliverance.

I think of the many stories of provision...in the wilderness...in Egypt...in the Promised Land...wherever God's people were, there was need for provision and faith.

Oh, some of my acquaintances say that these are just stories handed down from unreliable sources. I suppose that one could choose to believe that. But more modern history suggests that those who had faith in the impossible, those who believed in a loving and capable, personal God, were able to endure much longer than those who succumbed to fear. While I noted that "news" is supposed to be the unusual, I admit that we do not hear news of miracles too often. Why is that? Are they passe? Are they over and done with? Were they just wishful thinking and made up stories I think not!

I think the reason is two-fold. One is that perhap miracles are not so unusual. Perhaps they occur daily. So common, in fact, that we miss them. We fail to see the hand of God in our provision, in our daily protection. The second is that we do not always listen to the right channel. There is an enemy who wants to seek, kill, and destroy our faith and our peace, at the very least. He is the power of the air. Our society seems to want to deny the existence of this being. They cannot deny the results of the existence of evil. That is what they parade on the news. But they try to explain it away with "circumstances". Therefore, we get caught up in listening to the reports of the enemy and begin to allow fear to reside in our minds.
There are true miracles happening every day. There are many foreign lands where missionaries report "unusual" happenings from a human perspective. But those reports do not air on the common channels, and are ridiculed if attempted to be.
That is why the Word says to talk about them among yourselves and pass them on to future generations.

I made a "Memoirs of Faith" book for one of my grown children for Christmas last year. In it, I reported acts of God in provision, healing, protection, etc. that our family has experienced. I reported the heritage of faith handed down from previous generations. I don't know if it has been read yet, but I know that some day they will need it.

Yes, the time has come. Time to change the channel. Time to write down the works of God, even the small ones, to meditate upon. The time has come to exercise our faith; to put aside fear; to stand against the trend of society. The time has come for me to write regularly in this blog and I intend to do so!

To God be the glory: Great things He has done!

His Desire

Sometimes my heart is fickle! It rejoices in God when something exciting happens. It cries out to Him in pain! But, sometimes it does not focus on His love and mercy and grace! Sometimes I get side-tracked by the mundane issues of life.

I am currently facing changes in my life. I am a person who puts my whole heart and soul into whatever I am doing. I see projects through to the end. I eat, sleep, and drink whatever job I am assigned to....usually to a fault. This sounds like a great employee or volunteer, but it allows for a tearing up of my heart on the inside whenever that job or project ends, especially if someone ELSE ended it.

So, I try to turn my eyes upon Jesus. I believe in delighting in Him. He promised that if we would do so, He would grant us the desires of our hearts. That becomes a problems when my heart is fickle and doesn't know what it desires!

I am learning though, that when I am truly delighting in Jesus, that He is what my heart desires! His will! More of Him!

"May He grnt you according to your heart's desire, And fulfill all your purpose. We will rejoice in your salvation, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May tha Lord fulfill all your petitions." Psalm 20:4 &5

When my desires becomes His will and purpose for my life, then they will be fulfilled! And, so will I!

"Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

So many times, I have "tried" to delight in the Lord in order to get my way; to get some desire of my heart. Usually, it was for rescue or help in the time of trouble. We have only to look to the Lord for help. When my heart becomes consumed by my problems to the point where its desire is just to get free of those problems, my heart has been out of focus. My heart's desire should be about Him and His calling on my life. My interpretation of "delighting" becomes skewed and confused, UNTIL I truly do spend time with Him and He becomes my focus.

It's funny how time spent with God changes my heart's desires so they line up with His desires for me. I must put my mind at ease remembering His desires are for my good and not for eveil (no matter what I've done); and to give me a future and a hope!

Yes, I'll say it again...When my desires become His willand purpose for my life, then they will be fulfilled...and so will I!

His Mercy Endures Forever!

Mercy! Apparently that's a word that falls easily from my lips. My husband says I awaken many mornings and say that before I am fully aware. It probably comes from teachings I received in my younger days about calling on mercy and grace...shouting "mercy!" to troubles and problems.

Yet, I have lived much of my life not appropriating mercy in my own life. I made decisions and then, if there were consequences of these decisions with negative affects, I would blame myself and feel as though God would not help me out of those circumstances. After all, I brought them on myself by some hasty or till-thought-out decision. Therefore, I reaasoned, I should have to bear the consequences and not beg nor expect God to bail me out. Sounded reasonable. Left me defeated.

Recently some changes in my life have been plaguing me. Some are related to decsions made with good intentions, but perhaps, not of the best choice. Other changes caused by other people's decisions were leaving my heart torn apart.

So, we were singing in church about the mercy of God. His mercy is forever...He is good...etc. I was worshipping, yet struggling to keep my mind off my problems and pain. Suddenly, it was like God said to me, "Mercy is favor you don't deserve in the first place, so why are you rejecting it because you think you deserve the consequences you are facing? Are your decisions powerful enough to over-rule my mercy?"

Wow! I had not thought about the fact that by hanging on to my pain and fear, I was actually rejecting the mercy of God. I don't deserve His intervention! But it is not because of the decisions I made, but rather just because of my humaness, and Jesus chose to over-rule that a long long time ago! I could have made better choices and still not have deserved God's mercy! That's precisely what mercy IS! Undeserved favor and grace! I cannot earn His mercy! If I could, it would no longer BE mercy!

Yes, God is good...ALL the time...and His mercy endures forever! AMEN!

"I Love You, My Daddy"

"I love you, my Daddy!" is a sweetly spoken phrase my granddaughter has started saying to her father. It sounds so special and sweet that she could probably get away with just about anything using that phrase. But she also often accompanies it with kisses...melting all hearts in range...

I thought about this unique expression of hers. She says it most of the time spontaneously, and not to get around discipline. She says it when she sees her daddy come in to the house. She says it when he leaves in the truck. She also says a similar phrase to her mom and brothers. She always includes the "my" and tacks on the relationship status.

I am not sure where she picked up this little habit. None of her friends or any family members use it. It seems to be something that came straight from her little heart.

The more I hear those words, the more meaningful they are. A little child, just three years old, is expressing spontaneously her love of family, marking ownership of each one.

I need to do that with God. I need to say "I love you, MY God!" Even better, "I love You, MY Father!" AND even better, "I love You, MY Daddy!" My relationship with Him needs to grow more intimately daily. I need to find delight in His prescence and comfort in His embrace. I need to need Him just like my little girl! I need to declare Him as MINE! And to know Him so intimately that calling Him "Daddy" seems completely right.

I know most of us had imperfect earthly fathers. Mine was among the better one.s, but even so, lacked ability to completely meet my needs and extend comfort and help. He lacked the ability to understand my needs. He lacked the desire to really get to know me as a unique person. But my Heavenly Father does not!

Too many fathers have hurt and abused. Sometimes it was intentional, stemming from their own pain and struggles with their own demons. Sometimes, it was unintentional. An unkind word spoken harshly in a tense moment; A half-hearted reply or reaction to something of significance in our lives; a word intended to be used as a joke...all these can have lasting impact on our vision of a father. And we tend to interject that vision upon God.

We must know this: He is NOT a man that He should lie, be violent, or hurt us in any way, intentional or not. God is incapable of failing us. He can only LOVE to the greatest degree. He cannot speak harsh words of irritation. He cannot ignore our significant moments because He created them

Healing Scars

When the scars upon my heart
Met the scars upon His hands,
Something changed forever,
Becoming something very grand.

Bleeding within my chest,
Trembling with fear and shame;
My heart heard a gentle Voice
Softly call my name.

It was barely beating;
Hardly worth the life;
Broken very often
And stabbed with many a-knife!

Wounds of disappointments
And redirected prayers;
Confidence depleted
Made heartbeats hard to bear.

Scars of intentions
Misunderstood by friends,
Oozing self-resentment
Self-pity did defend.

Inadequacies coursed through
Veins of broken dreams.
My bleeding heart stood gaping...
Death's nearing rapidly it seems!

But the Voice whispers gentler
Yet louder, to my heart.
Tender hands stretched out
To offer a fresh start.

Hesitation filled my soul.
Yet, with shaking stance
I offered up my broken heart
For yet another chance.

And then the hands opened wide,
And much to my surprise
I found a loving touch of God
Understood my great demise.

For there upon those open palms
Were nail scars so deeply driven,
Oozing out the love
And forgiveness freely given.

And those scars upon His hand
Touched the scars upon my heart;
And though His scars grew deeper,
Mine simply did depart.

There was my heart, no longer scarred
Nor heavy as a stone...
But newly fresh- a heart of flesh!
His scars have cured my own!

Yes, when the scars upon my heart
Touched the scars upon His hands
I was changed forever,
And am becoming something grand!

by Charlotte Saben 8/26/10

A Lesson From King David

King David was a man. He was just a simple shepherd boy with some musical talent, when God called him to become a king. But he didn't become that king overnight. Not even over the next couple of years. He had a lot of growing up to do. And he made some errors along the way. He left us a legacy to learn from.

We can learn some things NOT to do from King David. We all know he never should have dwelt on the sight he saw of Bathsheba sunning herself...but that's another lesson for another day.

Today, I believe God is showing me something very significant about our society, and how easy it is to get involved in the wrong kind of politics.

David was not exactly a politician. Yet, he had a substantial following of men ready to defend and die for him, even before he became king. It is true, that God had already chosen him, annointed him, and called him. Yet, David continued to b e a servant of King Saul, comforting him when he was bombarded by fear and anxiety attacks. Even after it became evident that King Saul was no longer the best ruler for Israel, David did not usurp his authority or brag about the facts of his anointing. He quietly grew, knowing in his heart that some day, God would make room for him.

In today's world, we currently have a very controversial leader. Many Christians voted for him, believing the previous administration had erred greatly in important issues. Some now regret it. Others do not.

What concerns me here, more than the decisions that the President is making, is the daily decisions many many Christians make to undermine him. Personally, I will say that I did not vote for him, nor can I support many of his choices. I too, was among those who passed on jokes and made fun of him. I referred to him in ways that were not Christ-like.

And then, I read the story, AGAIN, about David and Saul. Saul had become so fearful of losing his kingdom, that he set out to kill DAvid. The saga takes up several chapters in the Bible. But the story that stands out to me, is where King Saul goes into a cave to respond to a bodily function, and David and his men are already inside. Saul doesn't notice them, but they notice him. One even suggests to David that he sneek up behind him and kill him. After all, God had already anointed David to be the nnext king...

David toys with the thought, and then slips up behind and cuts off a piece of the kingly garment, and pockets it. Later, he produces it to proce he could have killed the king. But DAvid said, "I will not harm God's anointed." He honored the position of the king. (By the way, originally, Saul was chosen by the people because they disliked the previous administrative dealings. They did not want a theocrasy, but wanted to be ruled by men.)

I coorelate that story to our current situation. God did not ordain our President and anoint him...or DID He? Supposedly we prayed for the election. Supposedly we voted with our conscience. And yet, here we have a controversial guy many do not like. Oour system is run by the people (suppoosedly). God did not "choose" the president ahead of time. Supposedly. Now I wonder, IF God's people, who are called by His name (Christins) humbled themselves and prayed...then we must accept that God MUST have had a hand in rising up this current adminsitration, no matter what we think of it. And the Bible, which we believe to be the Word of God, says clearly to pray for our leaders.

Should we not take the same stand as DAvid did? Should we not resist harming the man in the position of leadership? It seems to me that the REAL enemy of our land, and our spirits, the devil himself, has gotten quite a hayday going with hateful words and jokes. We are undermining the authority of the man that God has allowed to lead us.

The Word says nothing about any man delivering us or healing our land...it is GOD who shall do this...through PRAYER, not jokes, and political upheaval. I am not saying we should not exercise our rights to speak up against what we believe is wrong...or to voice our opinions. But our opinions that deride an authority can only be siding with evil. I am not saying we should not stand up and be counted and declare what we feel....but I see this as two different things here.

1. We should responsibly speak up for righteousness and demand our laws be based in it.
2. We should support through PRAYER ALL the leaders God has currently allowed in our society.
3. By allowing our hearts to become bitter, hateful, or fearful, we are not declaring the Kingdom of God for our country.

I think this is an evil sly undermining of America...not by our President or ANY administration, but by the forces of evil, who divides the Christians, causes our hearts to not be one, causes our hearts to be fearful and dissatisfied....thus preventing us from the true power of God.

Think about it please! I am no longer going to be participating in anything divisive or unproductive or demeaning towards leadership. I will not be sending any forwards of political jokes or rumors of things undermining our President. I will send prayer requests of information that has been substantiated for which we need to join in prayer. I will admonish my friends and brothers and sisters to pray and to surrender our hearts to God's love. I will honor the position of authority that God has graciously allowed us to maintain in this country for over 23o years! AND I will speak up to my leaders, expressing my concerns, in a godly fashion. And I will use the power of my vote to say what I mean!

Let us take to heart the verse about humbling ourselves. (Who of us would even want to be President right now?) Let us PRAY! Let us pray with contrite and upright hearts, fully surrendered to God. Let us lay aside the agendas, the fear, the jokes and comments, and truly seek the Lord for our great nation.

Where is the Creator?

I watched a show on the Science Channel just the other day. It was supposed to be a scientific search for a Creator of the Universe. I was very much amused, I must confess. I did not get in on the entire program, as I overlooked the start time. However, as best I can recall and figure from the remainder of the story, their quest was quite daunting for these poor spiritually-challenged researchers.

One math scholar spent years and thousands of dollars trying to find a pattern to the mathematical foundation of the world. HE researched and refigured, and, actually concluded their was, in fact, an intelligent pattern that holds the world together...mathematically speaking that is. After all of this expense and time, he decided that, since he himself was a declared non-beliver, this mathematical pattern, in itself, was and is, the "creator". His theory was based on the fact that this "math" does, and always has, "existed", and somehow was the factor in causing the evolutionary process to make the world. That seems so silly to me. How can a mathematcial "entity" (even if it DID exist) create renewable life? It seems ludicrous to me to reject an intelligent and personal God as Creator and embrace a mathematical pattern instead. With all that money wasted on his research, he could have fed a world of hungry people, most of whom would consider themselves "believers".

The next scientist created a "god-helmet" to prove that God exists only in our brains. He, too, spent tons of money which could have been MUCH better used, especially since his final conclusions really conclude nothing at all. He showed an experiment where he has a "volunteer" place the helmet on their head which is hooked up electronically much like an EEG. He claims that when he causes electrical impulses to stimulate a certain area of the brain, that the volunteer senses spiritual entities, thus "proving" that God exists only in our brains. One problem with this theory is that it has already been proven that such electrical impulses can stimulate smells, tastes, and even visual hallucinations. Does that mean then, that these same smells, tastes, and visual object do NOT exist outside our brains? You see, although those stimuli may not have been present when the brain was triggered, they DO exist in reality. The brain did not create these images or senses, but rather recalled them through the electronic stimulation. So then, rather than drawing the conclusion that God only exists in our brain, encouraged by culture and lore, it seems much more logical to me to conclude that this actually proves His existence, since all other stimuli produced exists. The "fact" that someone could sense the presence of God by an electronic impulse does not in any way mean that He was not present. Since He is omnipresent, He would obviously be there. It IS possible that the part of the brain this scientist chose to stimulate is the part that GOD created to be filled ONLY by HIM! Thus, when stimulated, it produces a special sensitivity to His presence. I think that is actually a "no-brainer!"

The third scientist in this story announced that he, indded, does believe in the existence of a "Creator". His version of this "creator", however, sounds more like something out of Greek or Roman mythology...trying to make Him into something we can relate to without having to accept the truth of the Gospel. This "brilliant" scientist spent many dollars and countless hours concluding that God is the ONLY true reality. I give him a couple of brownie points for that one! However, he claims that God is much like a gigantic computer, controlling life and us on the enoromous screen of the Universe. He claims that there is "scientific evidence" that all of life is "pixilated matter". He referred to the molecular disections of matter, explaining that since atoms are microscopically "pixilated", all of life is "obvilously" just a computer-like existence for the amusement of a creator. He likened the "creator" as an impersonal (on an individual basis, that is) who sits somewhere "playing" with life just for enjoyment. Oh, he may "care", for the sake of the "game", but has no plan or love or any of the personal attributes Christians and other religions give to Him. It amazes me that, while discovering enough scientific evidence to convince himself of the existence of God, or a Creator, he rejects a personal God for such a silly thought.

I still ask myself why people are afraid to admit that the Bible and Science compliment each other, when Science pursues the truth. There is no true scientific fact that the Bible refutes, and vice versa. The religions of the Earth that have lent their own interpretations of God's Word may have clouded reality. But scientists seem to pride themselves on their "research", so why do they resist researching the Word of God?

Where is the Creator?

The Deserts of Life

When I drive to work every morning, I have some choices. I can take the busy, city-like street aways and drop down to my destination through a myriad of housing developments. OR I can take the southern, country roads, passing farmland currently being harvested. This is the route I prefer. Today, the farmer was harvesting hay. At least I presume it is hay. It is green and once cut, they make it into bales. They also have already harvested grain and flowers and some other produce.

I watched this morning as the birds lit in the grain field. There is quite a bit of stubble from which the birds are gleaning. They are very pretty, and I am glad they can have the remains after the harvest. I thought about how many birds, insects, and other small animals might be gleaning in that field. It made me think about the harvest times in my life...the cutting back, the mowing down, and so forth that the Lord takes us through regularly.

And then I turned the corner! No more fields! No more birds! Now I was staring out at what appeared to be barren desert. It seemed dry and lifeless; hot and desolate. Yet, my knowledge of this desert tells me that there is much life teeming in the dust. There are lizards, snakes, insects, some birds, and even coyotes roaming through the brush. This made me think of the desrt times of my life. The seasons where life feels hot and dirty; nearly unbearable, and lifeless. Yet, I must remind myself that even in those times, there is life in my desert! Yes, there is hope. There are many spiritual lessons to learn. There are many people I have yet to meet, to whom I must relate. There are unproductive times, it seems, because I do not have a higher perspective. I remain looking at the human level on the misery of the heat and dryness. I find myself thirsting. I find myself covered with the dust of mundane life.

Oh, yes! I must remember where the living water is! There are many streams in this physical desert if one knows where to look. There are underground wells that seep water through the dust. There are even cool air blow holes, if one knows where to look.

And I do. I just seem to forget. I get overwhelmed with the thirst and the journey and forget to go to the Source.

The Lord is the Source of all provision. He is the only One who can quench the thirst within my soul. And the more I spend time with Him, whether He is leading me beside still waters or through the desert, the more I enjoy all that life brings my way!

God is Bigger than any Mountain!

"Fear not! For I bring to you tidings of great joy which shall be to all people! For unto you is born this day, in the City of DAvid, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord!"

We tend to quote that passage during the Christmas Season. But I wonder how much thought we give it at other times. Fear not! That is quite a bold statement, yet so profound for our times! People are fearful of many things. The economy has many otherwise calm, intelligent people, experiencing sleepless nights, plotting and planning...Health care and health issues drain the finances and peace of many these days. Simple tests can not only be expensive, but also revealing of challenges most don't want to face. Children! What does the future hold for them? Will there be ammenties for them? Will there even be enough food and water and natural resources to give them a future life as we have known it? The list could go on and on. Fear is a powerful tool. It has been used by politicians, by preachers, by governments and tyrrants. And, most certainly, by the enemy, satan.

"I bring you tidings of GREAT joy which shall be to ALL people!" The coming of Jesus was not then, and never has been, proclaimed as GREAT joy to all people. He has become an offense to many. Even those of us who claim to be His followers do not consistantly live in GREAT joy! We often let the fear and worry cloud out the joy. Joy is based in faith, not fact. Facts can be daunting. Facts can be skewed. But faith...IS the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen! IF we really believed that, we should be living in constant and GREAT joy! ALL of us! He came for ALL people. Are we making that evident?

"For unto us is born, THIS day..." Sometimes the birth of Jesus can seem like a long ago historical event, which, of course, it is. But THIS day is the day in which He can be born in us afresh! His birth takes on new significance every time we bask in His love. Think about all that it meant for GOD the SON to give up His Godhood and come down to Earth, submitting to the confinements of a human body! It baffles me! It is overwhelming to think that He would do this for us! He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! This is the day to praise and serve our Savior.

"In the City of David, a SAVIOR, Christ, the LORD!" The geographical spot of His historical birth is extremely significant for manyh reasons. I choose not to go into details here on this blog, today...maybe another blog soon... But the fact that He is the SAVIOR and LORD stand out! He is Savior of the entire world! Even those who do not recognize or acknowledge Him were on His mind and heart on that cross! His love kept Him hanging there!

The Word says that one day EVERY knee shall bow, and EVERY tongue confess that Jesus Christ is LORD! He is Lord of the Universe! He is the Lord of lords. But even more significant and amazing, He is the Lord of my life! I have given thought, yet probably not enough, to just what that lordship should mean. And I fall very short.

When Jesus reigns in our hearts, so does peace, joy, love, etc. And yet, how much do I worry, fret, become depressed, and even get angry at others that He loves so much! How often I try to control my life, and sometimes the lives of those around me! I fuss about the politians. I worry about the future. I complain about the economy! I scurry about in traffic, wishing others would drive like I want them to! So, I must ask myself...Is He really LORD? Is He LORD THIS day? Am I living the GREAT joy, or seeking out my own happiness? Am I fearless or fearful?

I pray that each day becomes THIS day of GREAT joy to ALL people so we can FEAR NOT! And it starts with me...let there be peace on earth (and in all hearts) and let it begin with ME!

LESSONS FROM THE TREEHOUSE...POOR IN SPIRIT

SHARING SOME LESSON FROM OUR CHILDREN'S MINISTRY!

Jesus was up on a mountain ministering to many people when He told them how to receive the blessings of God. He mentioned several attitudes that we should have if we are to receive God’s best. This is called the “Sermon on the Mount” among many Christians. It is also called the Beatitudes. We are going to be studying those “attitudes” as the way we should “be” or live. These are our “Be Attitudes”! And they are the way to God’s blessing. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”

What does it mean to be “poor in spirit’? Sounds like most of our characters here today are having a hard time understanding this. Some people think it is just being “down”, acting serious instead of silly. Others think it means to actually be poor…like no money…no self-value…not liking yourself. But that is NOT what Jesus was talking about when He spoke of the many blessings God wants to give us.

Being “poor” in spirit simply means to be aware of our weaknesses and be willing to quickly repent when we mess up! There is a story in the Bible about a young man who really messed up big time. He went from being very rich, to being very poor in a very short time. He didn’t start off very “poor in spirit” and wasn’t set out to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

You see, this young man and his brother were the sons of a very wealthy man. The younger one decided that he wanted to have more fun than he thought he was having at his dad’s place. He knew that one day he and his brother would inherit all that their father owned. And that was a LOT! But this young man did not want to wait around until his dad died and left it all to them. He wasn’t really interested in the family business or property…only the money it brought them. So, he decided that it made much more sense to ask his dad for his inheritance now. He thought that if he was given the money that he would eventually receive NOW that he would have much more fun. He did not value the right things in life. He did not think about his future, only what he wanted right then. He may even have teased his brother for not joining him in requesting money to waste while they are young.

Well, his father loved his son very much. He must have known that this was not a good choice for his son. But, for whatever reason, the father gave in and let him have the money. Perhaps the young man had argued or presented a case that sounded reasonable. Or perhaps that was a choice the father had made available at one time. Or perhaps he knew that this son would not learn the lessons he needed any other way.

So, the young man took off with his riches. He called all of his friends and their other friends, and everybody who knew who he was, to come and party with him. He was so popular! He was a star! Everyone loved him! They had such a great time. He had one party…then another…and another. He showed his friends a great time. They must have gone to all the amusement parks of their day. They must have ridden camels and horses and participated in chariot races. They may have traveled around the area, looking for adventure. They tried everything they could to have fun.

But, it only lasted a little while. The young man had not thought about what he would do when his money ran out. Maybe he assumed one of his friends would give him more. Perhaps he thought he could get more by gambling or playing games for money. The sad news was…his money was gone and there was no more. There was no one to give him nor lend him any money. All the friends that had shared in the fun left him. They probably called him “Loser!” and other such names. They probably laughed at him for not planning his budget. They were no longer his friends. Apparently they left him and didn’t even take him back home or with them.

He found himself all alone, hungry, and broke! He wished he was back home with his dad and brother. But how could he get back? He had no money and was too tired and hungry to walk all that way. Besides, he thought that his father would be ashamed of him and not want him back. So, he went to look for work. He probably didn’t really know how to do much, since he had been wealthy and had had servants at his father’s home. And there were not a lot of jobs available. But he did find one…feeding pigs! Pigs are not very clean or mannerly animals. In fact, many Jewish people thought of them as unclean to be around, to the extent that people who were around them were not accepted in the community. But this boy was hungry! So, he took the job. As he was pouring the slop on the trough, he wanted to eat it himself! Imagine eating pig’s slop! Pigs eat whatever nobody else wants to eat! They eat the garbage that is scraped from plates or dropped on the floor. They eat the empty corn cobs, weeds, carrot tops, roots, etc. This boy had eaten wonderful meals full of his favorite things, yet here he was jealous of what the pigs were eating! No one, not his boss, not his former friends, not any pretty girls, not any pigs…gave him anything!

So, he finally had a good thought! “I know! I will go back to my father’s house. I am not worthy to be his son now that I have wasted his money and did some things I should not have done. I have brought shame to his house. So! He gave me what I wanted before, maybe he will again! I will ask him to allow me to be a servant. My dad’s servants eat a LOT better than these pigs. He is kind to them and they have nice rooms to sleep in as well. I would LOVE to just be a servant in his house. I am going home to see if he will let me serve him so I can eat again!

This young man had learned to be “poor in spirit”. He began to understand that he was not any better than the servants his father hired. He realized that serving others was a good thing…and that being sorry was not good enough, He had to be willing to change his attitude. He had to be willing to go from being a “big shot”, “cool dude” wanting to be popular and famous, to being willing to serve and earn his “keep”. What an attitude adjustment for him!
Repentance means turning around and changing the direction you were headed. It means being willing to become completely different and give up all that you desired before. That is being poor in spirit, and this boy had finally achieved it!

He headed back, tired, lonely, and still hungry. It was a long walk. People did not treat him kindly. They thought he was a homeless wanderer, maybe even dangerous. So, he went on alone..,

Meanwhile, back at his father’s house, his dad had watched for him every day. He looked down the lane. He sent servants to look further down the lane, knowing that some day, his son would return.

And that day, he did return! The father saw him coming. The servants may not have recognized him, but the father did! He knew it was his son! He ran down the lane to meet him, and fell at his feet and kissed him.

The son was very touched by this and said “I am not worthy to be called your son. Just let me be a servant in your house. I will be totally happy with that!”

But the father called his servants and told them to kill the fattest calf he had, get some music going, and have a party. “My son is home!” he cried.

The older brother wasn’t so happy with all of this because he had been obedient and hard-working while his brother messed up. He complained that it was not fair. But his dad said “You have always had my blessing. Your heart was always to serve me.
You have always understood being ‘poor in spirit’, humble and hard-working. Everything I have has always been and always will be yours. But your brother, here, was dead and is alive again. He did not have a proper heart for blessing, but now he does. We MUST rejoice and have a party!”

So, they celebrated that this young man learned how to have a repentant heart, how to have a servant’s heart, and how to be poor in spirit. This time he can inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. That means he can live with God forever, and have all that God has for us, which is MUST MORE than the wealthy father had to offer.

Missing the Commitment

I think I am missing something here...like maybe commitment to write this blog on a regualr basis? I write it daily...in my head...but somehow it seems my fingers don't get around to typing it as promised. I don't mean to be a slackard. I don't mean to make promises or the insinuations thereof, that I can't keep. But I do. I guess it is the same old problem...I think I can do more than I should. I have great intentions, but little motivation at times.

I realized that the entire month of February, I did not write one single line on this blog. I got another year older. Is that a good excuse? My grandson got another year older...how about that one? Potty-training an almost-three year old granddaughter? No? Oh well...I tried.

The point is, that I am realizing that I have this problem in more areas of my life than just this blog. I start out with good intentions and feeling motivated and lose track of things along the way.

It is true, that life is much more than blogs. Like homeschooling...and writing curriculum for my church...and writing puppets skits...and gardening vegetables, and moving, and cleaining, and taking all the grandchildren places, and being there for my husband and friends...I could go on and on as I have a very full life.

But, amidst my busyness and fullness in life, I must remember two things: 1. Not to bite off more than I can chew, yet remembering at the same time, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! And 2. That I must keep the commitments that I do make and should make them only after prayerful consideration.

Therefore, I have a new commitment to this blog...I shall not attempt to make it dailly, nor even weekly (although that COULD happen!) I shall promise to write as God prompts me...and I expect that to be weekly or at least monthly! I may use some of the curriculum writings to fill in from time to time.

One of the biggest motivators in my life is response! I get very little to no response from readers of this blog, so I have no reason to continue...

I once took a motivational test and it came out that my main motivating factor was to feel that I had made a difference in someone's life, whether it was just enjoyment or a changed decision, did not matter. But I need people to validate my life.

The problem is that I reap what I sow. I have three very good friends who also have blogs that I find difficult to read on a regular basis. The blogs are not difficult, my choices of how to spend my time makes it difficult. so, I find myself only reading them sporadically...so I guess I reap what I sow...

But I DO try to leave a note on theirs once in a while! That was a hint!

The Recluse

Tom is gone. Just like that. One day he was here, helping people and loving his wife, and a few short days later, he was gone from this earth! His saga is sad, leaving behind many many friends and family members who loved him so. The suddeness of it all prompted me to write...

He was done in by a recluse...a tiny, brown recluse spider bit him on the leg. He didn't notice much until the pain began. He thought it was his bursitis. Then he began flu-like symptoms. He thought he had the flu which was antagonizing his bursitis. He even went a doctor. I am not sure, at this point, whether they examined his leg or, like him, just assumed it was bursitis. At any rate, he recieved pain meds and was sent home. The meds kept him sleeping most of the day. But the spider had not been sleeping! Those nasty little varmits don't take long to do a six-foot-plus man in! He went to the hospital and was admitted. He made a valiant attempt to survivie. Almost made it a week...most of that in a coma...and then he passed on.

Tom was a gentle, kind man ready to give assistance to anyone in need. But, he did not notice his own need until it was too late!

I thought of spiritual correlations to his plight. How many times have we been "bitten" by evil one way or another and not really noticed? Perhpas given in to temptation. Perhaps resisted showing kindness or gentleness or patience...any of the Fruit of the Spirit. Perhaps been attacked by others and left to sort out our own pain, medicating it with whatever made us comfortable. Or, perhaps, we became a recluse ourselves. Hiding and withdrawing from those who love and could help us. The tiniest of spiders can be the deadliest! The tiniest of sin can lead us into destruction!

Maybe we, like Tom, thought we could self-diagnose; self-heal...just take the meds and sleep it off. Spider bites don't work that way. Neither does sin. Maybe we ignore symptoms thinking we are tough enough to endure. Meanwhile, the symptoms grow and the destruction ravages our spirits, much like the spider poison ravaged Tom's body. By the time we finally submit to "hospitalization", the poison has spread throughout the body of Christ. If we have chosen to complain, to grumble, to insist we are "okay" and want to be left alone; if we choose to "sleep" instead of "pray thorugh"; if we think ourselves spiritually mature and "tough", we could find ourselves in seriously critical condition. (the last report we got on Tom before his death).

How many ministries have died? How many lost opportunities? How much pain have we suffered in silence and alone? The antidote for spider bites is not pleasant. And snake bites are worse treatment yet. But, in order to stay alive, one must submit to treatment. Tom did. He would have gone earlier if he had realized the danger. He wanted to live. He was not arrogant. But he was ignorant...of the spider's power, and perhaps, even of it having bitten him.

I wonder how many times I have been ignorant of the bites of sin in my life. I wonder how many times I thought my pain to be related to something else...something less potentially devastating...something less painful to treat.

I have a tendancy to retreat at times, and not expose my hurt. I wear my "big girl" pants and try to cover the injury instead of exposing myself to a full examiniation of the Spirit. He know anyway. He weeps for my lack of trust in Him. He weeps that I would choose to fight for my spiritual survival rather than allow HIim to administer the treatment. My concern is sometimes, "What will my friends think? They assume I can handle this or that, etc." But when my concern over others supercedes my willingness to be exposed by the Holy Spirit, I have endangered my well-being.

Let us not become little brown recluse spiders, hiding in the desert, lashing out in panic when disturbed. Let us not become spiritually dead trying to ignore the symptoms or self-diagnosing them rather than opening up to His Word which is sharper than any two-sided sword! Let us live in openess. Let us examine ourselves as the Bible says...let us confess our faults to one another...let us expose the poison of sin in our lives so that we may be healed!

God bless you, Tom...you are in a better place...and the spider is dead!